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What Lies Between the Lines...

They don't tell you about the nights when you'll cry; when you'll curse and rave and throw wadded up tissues at the monitor. They don't tell you about the number of times you'll want to throw your pencil or brush or tablet pen in the garbage disposal and flip the switch.

They don't tell you about the time spent painting insane detail onto tiny things that no one will ever see, ever appreciate, ever understand except to say "nice" or "pretty" or "wow"--none of which ever come close to how you felt when you painted it. How you felt when you stepped back and stared and were awed for a moment that you had pulled something like *that* out of your brain and your hands and your skill. They don’t tell you how it will feel, for that one moment, to glow like a god, having just created a world.

They don't tell you how it's going to feel when that isn't enough. They don't tell you that sometimes it will never be enough--there will always be someone whose second best, or tossed off sketch will always be better than your best.

They don't tell you about the long hours, the late hours, the hours that you lose when you're in the zone and the ticking of the clock is no more noticeable to you than breathing. They don't tell you about the nights when you'll lay there agonizing over a layout for hours; your eyes painting images on the ceiling; or the mornings when it will suddenly mesh together like magic and your brush will almost fly.

They don't tell you that you'll have to steal the time between other things, that putting the pen down will be as agonizing as chopping off a finger or a hand. They don’t tell you that you’ll have to do this several times a day.

They never tell you that sometimes, often in fact, the inspiration won't be there. Or that you'll have to find it anyway.

They don't tell you that it's never fair. That sometimes it's popularity that counts, not skill; that sometimes it's skill that counts, not talent; that sometimes it's talent that counts, not effort; and that sometimes effort is the only thing you'll have.

They don't tell you that you'll never really be respected. That you'll feel like the unicorn in the menagerie: a beautiful curiosity that most people will still suspect is a fake.

They don't tell you that you'll be expected to give it away, over and over, that they want you to be freer with your skills than a back alley whore, that they'll never even think you're worth a dime until you charge them 10,000 dimes for a sketch.

They don't tell you that the only way you get respect is to respect yourself and your skills and your abilities...and that sometimes doing that will be harder than you can possibly imagine.

They don't tell you these things, because in the end, it'd be pointless.

If you love it, you'll do it anyway.
Reposted here from my journal, because so many wanted the option of faving it. I also fixed a couple of noticeable grammatical errors and reworded a couple of bits that were too rough. Added a couple of lines that should have been in there before.

I wrote this as a form of catharsis, initially. I was thinking of all the advice I've gotten over the years about art--although this applies to a lot of other disciplines as well--and thinking about all the things no one ever told me.

Although I suppose, like it says, even if they had I'd do it anyway.
Add a Comment:
OrangeHuskie Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014
I'm not exactly sure how to feature because I've never done it till now, but I needed to share this with my watchers. My journal is near the middle... (I'm not good with words unless I'm short story writing, haha, hence why there isn't much written).

But seriously, you captured exactly how I feel. More often then not I find myself thinking my art isn't good enough, which is weird for me because I'm the type of person who doesn't usually care what people think. Then I ask myself 'Why?' Why do I put my art down? When I find myself proud of something I did, I also find no one sees it in the same light I do, ya know? 
I can honestly say though that I'm one of those people who favs without commenting quite often, but that's because I have nothing to say. It was great, I loved it, etc. I fav things because the art is saying something to me, portrays my fandom beyond words, or because it encourages me to be better, that I can be making things like you and other great artists I watch one day.
Yes, I know, everyone's style is different and there's no such thing as bad art (in my opinion), but I want to improve. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Thanks for making this. :heart:    
Alyboxie Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This captures exactly how I feel most of the time; but I wonder who "they" are?
Excellent work; your art is also amazing and I think it's awesome that you spend so much time and put so much effort into creating your artworks! :D
Arkiel-Pixie Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Y'know, for some reason this reminds me of a very specific thing. In Spirited Away, when Chihiro (and the bathhouse) pull all that gunk out of the river god, and then there's that final little pop and all that fresh water? This makes me think of that. Like you took all the nasty ugly stuff about writing and painting and art in general, and spilled it all out of you to get that squeaky clean feeling back.

Very powerful indeed.
Nijjura Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011
beautiful! <3
night-singer Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2011  Professional General Artist
Omg thank you, this is beautiful!
It really helps me, really to love art and to keep going with my art even though Ive had a lot of downs and dont have that much confidence in it.
Thank you! And your work is amazing! :D
God Bless!!
IronHawkb Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2011
it is great Miss Mercuralis
greetinfs from very far away
LazloTitan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010
An absolutely PERFECT summary of being an artist--wow! I love everything you talked about, because really, no one DID ever tell us these things. Only the dedicated will prevail in this crazy art world. :meow:

I often find myself in artistic ruts sometimes, and I can promise you that whenever I get stuck in one, I will be reading this. A very nice pick-me-up, if that makes any sense! (I now know that people do indeed feel what I feel when they're making art, even when I think I'm all alone! XD)
nymph-of-artemis Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2010  Student Digital Artist
Wow. That's just perfect.
Lil-Desa Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2010
Thank you.. for linking me to this last night. I finally got to read it this morning and it is just.. wonderful. More so after all the Drama thats been going on lately that I've been witnessing. :hug:

I do find it sad that they never really tell us these things until it is too late.

As much as I do get frustrated at my own art and work things over and over until it looks right or close to 'right' as it can get, I never strive for "perfection", that fickle thing that is different for everyone so it never really exists [at least in my mind]. I've found its much easier to love what you do as an artist and share it with the world, even if you yourself do deem it as 'just a sketch' or something silly.

I love deviantART for the friends I've made and even some of the ones I've lost over artwork.

I'm going to feature this in my journal because I believe that more people need to read this.. and not just artists.
sitboy007 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
Dear God why hadn't I read this before? O.O
Thank you for your insight and understanding of what being an artist is. Thank you for not being afraid to put that out there.
The part where you talk about the "lack of respect" reminds me of [link] *shudder*
It's a strange, wonderful thing being an artist for a living (or wanting to be since I'm still in art school). It's like being paid to breathe. Art (being creative) is something I have to do in order to stay sane, in order to stay who I am.

I loved the lines about how there will always be someone better or more popular ending with how "effort is aetc. There were several of those. It's so true and I'm only starting to learn to move past those insecurities and keep going.

Thank you for this wonderful bit of wisdom you've given us. (^-^)
scriptor-scriptorum Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2009 much of this speaks to how I feel about writing. (Aargh...I'm going to say this because it bugged used "whose/of who" when you need "who's/who is". But that was the only mistake I saw - promise!)

So many times, I simply get caught up with life and can't seem to make myself sit down and think about a story, or some magical plot solution will come in the middle of the night when I'm in bed and NOT going to remember it, or - or - or...

You get the picture.

And I LOVE reviews. Love them. 99% of the time, I reply to them too...except for the ones that are "omg i luv it update soon". Those, there's nothing to respond to (and, secretly, drive me up the wall - would another sentence have been so hard?)

But otherwise...I'm more than happy to talk about what I was thinking when I wrote that line, or what mischief my muses were (are) up to, why they reacted THAT way and not THIS way...and so on.

And, just so you know, you are an INCREDIBLE artist, and I would be ecstatically happy if I could create something even a smidgen as beautiful as the works you regularly post. *gives cookies*
Soulstripper Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2009
I truly understand the feeling. I must say, due to the things you mentioned, I've long since given up trying to make anyone like my art. It is when I was told I should be selling it that I was appalled; in the streets, randomly, just like anybody. Drawing what the market wants and selling your soul this way; putting up your most heartfelt pieces to be bought so cheap it's an offense. That's why I never did it, and that's why my art makes no money, and that's why I don't count as an artist - or a person - who has achieved anything.

Indeed, a lot of things count in the eyes of the public. But whatever it is that counts, it's not heart.

But we do it anyway. Amazing piece. Thank you for writing this. For all of us.
CaptainQuirk Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2009
I needed to hear that, and I know more people who need to hear it. And by the miracle of linking, I shall pass it on.
pamnesia Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2009   General Artist
This is so utterly true. I feel like this all the time. I feel like being an artist is pointless and selfish because thats how people look at artists.
In the words of Rodney Dangerfield...No respect, no respect at all!
Juzstanley Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2009
I'm a musician. And I know what you're thinking, "You and everyone else, Silly McCrappy-sing." But, I mean it's the money I eat and live by. You've damn near brought me to one of those 'Stand tall and cry spicy tense tears' moments.
If someone would have told me about drumsticks that turn into knuckle-splinters, pussy-bleeding fingertips, pussy-bleeding, hacking vocal chords or the moments where learning theory is like a hand holding too much water.
If someone would have told me, as I'm sure they must've tried. I'd have still gone head in; the hungry nights, the emotion that just refuses to turn to song, and get the hell out of my throat. I'd have gone head in.
raena-nayrue Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009  Student Artisan Crafter
I'm not really an artist (I'm a writer), but this applied to me no less. It's true for all forms of art, whether written, sketched, painted, or drawn.
I identified with this acutely, and thank you for giving words to such an immense, ambiguous, and sometimes overwhelming feeling.
Even though it's a horrible feeling, it's nice to know that others feel the same as I, and that I'm not alone.
Cheers! =)
Artbeat48 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2009
How eloquently put...No truer words ever spoken (or in this case written/typed). I have often thought these very things, but true, in the end, in spite of all these things we create because we must.
SerpentineCougar Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2008
Loved it. My favorite lines were:
"They don't tell you that it's never fair. That sometimes it's popularity that counts, not skill; that sometimes it's skill that counts, not talent; that sometimes it's talent that counts, not effort; and that sometimes effort is the only thing you'll have." I liked the parallelism/flow of it.
un-paysage-choisi Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2008
I'm more of a lurker on DA but I greatly enjoy your art, as well as the different writings you've posted in the past. I've a collection of quotes and statements from various artists, performing, literary and visual. May I add your essay to it? I have no intention of ever sharing it elsewhere but your name and the link to this page will be cited.
MelissaFindley Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2008  Professional General Artist
Sure, the link back and citation is appreciated.
LadyBlackmour Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2008
A lot of artists get angry when you fave their work without commenting, but what you wrote here...I wish I could make all of them read it. This is exactly why, so many times, I don't comment.

I am not without creativity. I love to crochet, to knit, to write (decently, I think, although I'm too busy with school most of the time) and I am (I think) a pretty decent soprano. But I've never been able to draw. Or I've never had the drive, I don't know. I certainly didn't have the raw talent that I've observed in some of my friends, and so, art fascinates me. When I see the things that you and others create, with ink and paper, or paint, or a computer tablet, I am blown away.

I guess I've always felt that I *don't* understand it. There are pieces that I am sometimes at a loss to even try to explain, or to express my amazement at what's been created.

I favorite them because I want to be able to look at them later, to show them to my friends, to ask them what they see. I especially like to show them to my friend who is studying at Ringling in Sarasota, because she can at least tell me a little about why *she* likes it, as another artist, and sometimes that helps me understand as well.

It's easy to comment on a quick sketch, of your favorite fanart pair in an embrace, or some character as another character. You can say something like "This is cute, it made me laugh!" and that's enough. It's all that was expected by the artist, and all that they wanted. But when I see your paintings...not to mention many of the other talented artists on DevArt and elsewhere, I just don't know what to say. So I'd rather give my silent support than say something trite, because I know that half the time, my only expression will be that it's beautiful, and that I like it. I save my comments for something meaningful.

So yeah, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for the times when I don't comment. Rest assured that I am always blown away and amazed by you and what you do, and you're only one among many talented people. I hope that when I do find something that seems meaningful to me, that it is the same to you, and that you don't mind when I hold off because, honestly, I'm at a loss for words, and you deserve better. :)

P.S. -- It's true what you say about most jobs being underappreciated. I'm a vet tech, and I can tell you that 9/10 times, both I *and* the vet are *vastly* underappreciated by the clients! :XD:

p.p.s.-- Sorry if this is rambly, I seem to be having a relapse of tonsillitis, and I think I'm a but loopy.....
MelissaFindley Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2008  Professional General Artist

Actually I don't mind it when people don't comment. In some ways I prefer the higher numbers of favorites to the numbers of comments. I'm often speechless when faced with art I really admire and I know if it make me shut up it's got to be hard for other people, too. I think what I was trying to get at with that paragraph is just that--it doesn't matter what the comment is, it's hard for it to even come close to how the act of creation feels, and it's hard for people viewing to really grasp the amount of detail and time that went into a piece. Even when you appreciate those comments, and are thankful for them, and for the people who try to put into words what an image makes them feel or see, it's still not even a tenth of what it made you feel to create it.

I do, of course, appreciate comments. I just understand that they're sometimes hard to make. :D

(and I totally appreciate my vet, vet tech, and all the wonderful people who work to keep my two kitties healthy. One of them had an eye infection, both ears infected, and problems with her teeth, all at the same time; and thanks to the vet she's now healthy and hunting down the mice that keep getting into my house >.>...)
LadyBlackmour Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2008
That *is* what I was trying to say, I just failed. I know I can't really express how you felt, and unless I can come up with something great to say, I sometimes feel it's better to say nothing at all. ^^

(Glad you appreciate them. Those people do exist, of course, I just wish there were more of them. :XD: Mice, eh? Are you in Florida now?)
MelissaFindley Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2008  Professional General Artist
Yes, in Florida. I doubt they are really mice. I suspect (know but refuse to acknowledge) that they are, in fact, rats. I'm not sure how they are getting in, but at least we have two cats to help us find them.
LadyBlackmour Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2008
Ha ha! My mother had one, count it, one mouse in her barn. One of her cats wouldn't come inside for *days*, and when she finally did, no one saw the mouse again. Aren't they just wonderful? ^^
AmberCrystalElf Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2008  Professional Digital Artist
Wow, reading your words is like I have just looked into the mirror of my creative soul. Your words are incredible, full of magickal insight and pure, raw, honest emotion.
I LOVE IT! :hug: :D
SLIgurl Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2008
This is exactly how everybody feels at some point in their life. Thank you.
peastew Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2008
I love how you expressed all these thoughts, and the message was so very important for us all to remember!

Thanks for sharing with us!
RebeccaRose Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I suppose this fits in to your argument if I simply say "Wow" to this.

I feel like often, often everyday. You said it all so succinctly and yet you managed to cover lifetimes and worlds with your words.

Even if this was simply out of anger and frustration, you paint as beautifully with your words as with your pen.

A true artist paints with their soul. And I couldn't describe this or any of your works as anything less than a piece of your soul cast out into the world, as much a part of you as every breath you've ever taken.

But people don't, can't or won't always see that art is more to an artist than simply a painting or a drawing or a sketch or a book, art is a way of life, indeed, art IS their life. And to be derisive about it is the same as cutting away at the artist's life as a logger sawing down a tree...first chip by chip until the whole is felled. And when one tree (or artist) falls...the forest often follows after.
Antigone17 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
Oh, that's an interesting piece of wisdom. It's wonderful really. It's true, most of all.
And I really remembered a hundred times when I felt like that and a hundred times when I imagined feeling like that in the future. It's depressing and inspiring at the same time. It's not even art, it's more like fact, which in turn makes it art because you wrote it down so honestly.
Thank you for that.
Chyme12 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008
When you give them the fiery visions stolen from heaven and dragged up the horrors of hell, barely escaping with your sanity and soul intact.......
Wabet Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008   Photographer
I came here for the Labyrinth fanart, I returned for the original art, and I stay because you are perhaps one of the most truly emotive artists I've seen yet.
SparrowsFlame Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Reading what everyone else has said about this amazing writing has added to it.
blueheat23 Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
this is my first time to fave a text compositions like yours and what you wrote here were true to all of us, regardless of professions or desciplines. We are artist by heart and soul!
ErrantDreams Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008  Professional Artisan Crafter
Powerful. Beautifully said.
SquirrelOfChaos Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008
Wow, powerful! And also, completely true. You captured the emotions of it well.
HouseofChabrier Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008
My dear young woman, I turn 60 years old tomorrow, and I just downloaded your journal because you said it all. Everything you said is true, and I have lived that truth for the past 60 years, thirty-four of them as a working professional artist. As a new member at DA I was stunned when a work I did in my thirties, the horses and chariot for Ceasars Palace in Atlantic City was faved, and people said they loved it, etc. I had never heard one nice thing said about that piece from the moment I drew it up full scale to the completions of the project. I simply was told I had brought it in way under budjet, and the company made a big profit. I have cried at the inequities, the derision, the unfairness, and the cruelties that I have put up with as a woman artist in the work place, and I didn't complain. However, like you angry, sad, hungry, or alone, in my heart of hearts I know that I couldn't take any other path. If no one sees the work, and no one buys anything I will continue to create, draw, paint, sculpt, and dream until the day I die. I will reread your thoughts again and again, and at least realize you are not alone! Sincerely...Annie
MelissaFindley Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008  Professional General Artist
I'm honored. It's really wonderful to know that words I wrote out of anger and frustration in order to encourage myself that those emotions were part of what makes it worth it have touched so many other artists.

Happy birthday, Annie.

(And those chariot horses ARE beautiful, and I'm sure many others have thought so every time they've seen them or passed them. Art is one of those things that we do and never know who we touched by it, we just create and hope that it does.)
jardel182 Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008  Hobbyist
They don't tell you that you'll never really be respected

So, did you think everyone here, including me are just groupies?
MelissaFindley Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008  Professional General Artist
:D No. I don't think you're groupies.

Consider however that those of a non-creative bent always seem to eye artists askance, as if we ought to go out and get real jobs.
Or they think our work isn't really something we should charge for. Isn't it all just a glorified hobby? Shouldn't we just give it away for free?

That's lack of respect.

Then look at artists like, for example Linda Bergkvist. No matter how beautiful her work is there are those out there who would tear her down, dissect her work, try and figure out how she "cheats". And not just her. Vermeer, for another example... the debate still rages over whether or not he "cheated" and used a camera obscura to capture such realism.

That's lack of respect.

We all deal with it, in some way or another, this prevailing, centuries old lack of respect for what we do. For artists who paint, or writers, or models... only someone else in your field can truly respect your work because they live it and understand it. And even then there will be those who understand and still seek to make you less than what you are or what you deserve.
jardel182 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008  Hobbyist
I agree with the lack of respect.
But sometimes there are artists that (in example of deviant) comment on everyone photos like there's no tomorrow and then take some pseudo porn pics.

My friends still looks with a skeptical eye when i say that i lost my day tooking 300 photos and doing make up to end up with one joker photo.

They also stop and say "so, you modeling work is taking photos and walking?"
Hello? did you walk like that? Or did you know how to show clothes with a pose that show what feeling the clothes have and still be glamurous enough to make ppl thinking in buying it?

For example, now i'm 9 months preparing my body with hard diets and swimming and gym everyday, just cause i have an objective, doesn't matter the runway i'll pass to reach it.

And in the end, i'll get a vogue photo without my name in it if i'm not a top model.
But don't worry, as you pass thru that, models pass thru that too, executives pass, mothers pass, everyone have something they really don't think is necessary or that nobody will even notice in their professions, welcome to capitalism.

One of the things you (and eveyone else) need to understand is that everybody have their difficulties in their loving jobs (don't add ppl that do things just like robots, Starbucks attendants style, we all know this is supposed to be temporary, unless they really want).

The only big problem everywhere is lack of respect, as i have ppl calling me gay, you have ppl that just say "amazing" hoping for a comeback on their photostream/deviant gallery or a "friend", such as interns have problems with respect too.

I hope you understand my point.
And stop ignoring my notes and twitts replies!
MelissaFindley Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2008  Professional General Artist
I'm not ignoring them!

I read the thing on Disney, actually, while I was playing DDO with my husband and waiting for my dead character to be able to ressurrect. I just didn't get a chance to respond.

And I don't think I've ignored any of your Tweets. :confused:... sometimes a day or so goes by before I look at it, and they drop off the page if too many people tweet in the meantime.

As for the lack of respect thing, you're totally right. It's in every industry, every field, everything. I worked in a library for the better part of ten years. I started as the lowest of the low part timers, and worked my way up until I was working directly under one of the assistant directors as a graphic designer--and did a lot of stuff in different departments in between.

What all of them had in common was, however, was that everyone around me was always bitching about what everyone else was doing (or more likely NOT doing) and saying how easy other people's jobs were compared to theirs. Since I got to do so many things I got to see first hand how that was totally untrue. The problem was that, standing in one position for so long they had no idea what other people did, and just assumed that whatever it was they happened to *see* them doing made their jobs so much easier.

Case in point: I worked for awhile in the youth services deptartment, and was in charge of teen programming. In addition to this I sometimes had to cover children and family programming as well. One of the things we were in charge of was going out to branches and showing family films. We set up chairs, lugged out tons of related topic books, set up the movie, made popcorn and served it, and supervised the room during filming to be sure no one was making out in a dark corner or whatever. We hated this because it was three or four hours out of our time when we really needed to be planning other programs--so we had permission to bring our work with us, and while we were supervising the film to work on it quietly in the back of the room. One of my projects was designing a brochure to advertise our summer reading program. This meant I got to bring a laptop with me and a tablet and work on that. So all the librarians peeking in would see me sitting there, half-watching a movie, and playing on a computer, with popcorn in front of me. They had no idea that I was rushing to meet deadlines and wishing I was somewhere else so I could get something done instead of having to constantly make more popcorn. So they complained to their bosses, who complained to MY boss, who said that in order to placate everyone we'd have to work out on the floor and help the librarians check out books and keep an eye on the room at the same time... meaning we lost all that planning time so we could make other people see that we were, in fact, working. A stupid thing, right?

Anyway, the point is that no matter what job you have, it's hard for anyone outside of it to really understand what you do. There are always people who will look at someone who is a hard worker and mock them for what they do. Why else would there be so many lawyer jokes? :D
jardel182 Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008  Hobbyist
i've re-posted the text here [link] hope you don't mind.
darrynflame Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008
I understand completely. I write. Every word I utter, every idea I seek to convey, are my flesh and blood; this is my breath of life.
zukospersonalperv Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wow, all of that is extremely true, you put it all into perfect words^^
akinotasogare Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008
We are our own worst critics.

I often feel like smashing my tablet LOL, and sometimes the entire computer... but I never do, because I'd miss it. I both love and despise my art; does that make sense? XD

Anyway, so much truth to this. Also, people might not leave good comments because someone else has already said what they wanted to say, and probably ten times better. Thanks for sharing~
Vesperius Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008
I had to read the part about it being never fair three times, I thought it was so good. This is a real gem. It can apply to almost anything really, and is amazing all around.
lindowyn-stock Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008
Eldanis Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008
Sometimes.... people don't leave good comments because they're too speechless and utterly incapable of expressing their appreciation for what artists do. Like me, right now. I read this in your journal, and didn't have anything very coherent to say then either. Except maybe, thank you, for putting into such eloquent words what so many of us feel.
toshema Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008  Student Digital Artist
argeed!!!! :clap::clap::clap::clap:!!!!!
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